I am saddened. I am disgusted. I am seething.
The state of my country right now is appalling. I am embarrassed of our leaders and I am scared for my livelihood and the lives of my friends. Today is the day that the KKK took off their hoods. A snippet of a modern day civil war has taken place in 2017. One side, not only sending messages of hatred and bigotry, but committing acts of violence against the people for whom they are filled with such hatred. It is hard to hear and watch and read. It is hard to think about at all. It is hard to be sensitive during these times. It is hard to feel the weight of the feelings around me. The sadness, the fear, the anger.
I can feel the fear of some of the people in my life who choose to remain silent. I can feel their shifting feet, their dodging eyes, their stammering for words. Their discomfort with the mention of anything negative that is happening and has taken place as a result of this administration is so strong I can feel it across states and from miles away. It is seeping into my consciousness and the silence, especially during times of turmoil, makes their feelings of fear that much louder.
There are some who boldly chose this administration because of their own hatred and bigotry. And I am not wasting my time and energy on them. But there is a sub group of people by whom I am more disheartened and saddened. The ones that blindly followed. Those are the people whose fear and discomfort I can sense. The people who did not have the courage to stand up to take a side. The people who refuse to see this election for what it was and the people who continue to refuse to speak out against each unspeakable thing that occurs. They chose to follow blindly, to see it all as “not that big a deal,” or “politics as usual.” To remain comfortable in their own unrecognized privilege. And now they are afraid, and I can feel it with every ounce of my being.
I remember very clearly in my youth, learning about Anne Frank in middle school. Reading her diary and feeling so deeply for her and her family. Imagining myself in their shoes. I distinctly remember then, and many other times in adolescence thinking to myself, “would I have done the right thing?” I remember not just thinking about it, but truly pondering who I was as a person, wondering if my sometimes shy and timid demeanor would win out and prevent me from calling out the nazis. Truly unable to comprehend how any why someone can arrive at such hatred. Truly fearful of being faced with the option to fight and protect or hide and ignore, and truly fearful of failing to stand up.
Another part of why I am so bothered by this group of silent people is because it is a trigger. A group of people who are knowingly turning a blind eye to bad things that are happening in front of them. These people are remaining silent in the presence of violence and injustice. They are silent not because they do not believe it is bad, but because they are afraid, still. They are afraid to ruffle feathers. They are afraid to turn someone (a bigot) in their life off. That is what it boils down to: They are afraid to offend or piss off a bigot.
This is why bad things happen. The ultimate fault lies with the perpetrator of the crimes, but there is a great deal of residual fault that is held by those that watched and did nothing. We, as a human race, have learned this on numerous occasions, and yet somehow there are people who only allow themselves to acknowledge it being bad when it is depicted in a film or tv show. Where they can comfortably say with no repercussions, that villain was bad, that hero was good.
Over here, feeling my feelings, with my metaphorical Wellies on. Trudging through these tough times with my eyes wide open, being as brave as I can muster. I am sending love and light to all of those trauma survivors who are being triggered by these people and events. I am sending love and light to the HSPs who are feeling heavy with the energy of the country seeping into their force fields. And I am holding space and sending love and light to those that have been injured and experienced loss as a result of this administration.